When I bought my first tonne of wood, back in September, I thought that was a lot of wood. Four more tonnes later and I realise that it's not. I'm obsessed with wood (never thought I'd write that). Everywhere I go I'm constantly thinking 'ooh that would burn well' whenever I see a fallen branch or long stick. I can be found, staring at a pile of timber, working out in my head how I can get it home. I've travelled miles for it, through inches of snow. I have pallets delivered to the house and when I saw council workers lopping branches outside my house, it may aswell have been a naked contortionist troupe, the way I reacted. Wood is good (whole other meaning for any Yanks that might be reading this).

It's down to the cold and the fact that we've had a bloody cold winter. Out here, on the edge, it gets really really cold. There's no neighbouring houses, seeping warmth for a start. It's cosey in suburbia, or in a terrace. Loads of residual heat floating about. In the sticks, you've got to make your own heat. Hence the obsession with wood of any kind. Cold stone floors sting like they're hot first thing in the morning and after five months of winter the cold is in your bones and you feel like you'll never get warm again. I've never really noticed heating before, it's just a switch and something to do with a boiler. It's a lot more immediate when it involves hacking stuff up before you can feel warm.

That said - I've got a big fucking axe, so that's a plus

Chelley - 'Took The Night (Grum Vocal Mix)'

Wiley - 'Never Be Your Woman (Herve Re-Work)

Actual Phantom - 'Toy'

Gorrilaz - 'Stylo (Yuksek Remix)'

Brown Noise

Or near as damn it.

Out now on Beatport. General release 7th September

Strange the things you do, when you've got a spare minute. You're sitting there, possibly baby sitting the kids on a Saturday night, and you think ' I'm going to make a bicycle, for a fly'. And you get up, you find some pipe cleaner and you fashion an inch long cycle, lovingly painting the wheels with a thin topped paint brush, even making a seat for the fucker. Even making a stand for it, so that the fly doesn't tip over!

Only one problem - how do you make the fly stay on the bike?

Well, you're going to have to kill it, aren't you? Little bleeder is never going to sit still. You've made a mini bicycle for a fly, but the fly doesn't want to ride it. It's not even about whether he wants to or not, the fly has no concept of what a bike is. How could he possibly decide if he desires a bike, or if he'd rather eat a bit of pooh then secrete it on someone's food? He can't be expected to want or not want a bike at all, but you're still going to have to kill him, because now you've made the bike and you want to put a fly on the bike, probably with a pin or a bit of blue tac. It would all be waste of a Saturday night otherwise. You, alone in the house but for the sleeping children, sitting at the dining room table, scissors, pipe cleaners, tiny fucking bike. What was it all for?? Has your life come to this??

So the fly will die, on your whim, and nothing will change. You've got a dead fly, on a miniature bike, on your carpet and you've taken a picture of it and now you've posted it on a blog and told people that this is what you get up to on a Saturday night.

Herve - 'Who Da Champ (Original Mix)'

The Proxy - 'Who Are You (Trump Disco Edit)'

Zombie Nation - 'Worth It (Arveene and Misk Remix)'